66 Best Chuck Norris Jokes You Might Not Know 😆

Chuck Norris is definitely one of the most badass martial artist actors in the world. There are so many Chuck Norris jokes out there and we are starting to believe that they are just facts about Chuck Norris.  Out of big respect and slight fear we found only good things about Chuck.

Here are the best jokes about Chuck Norris you might haven’t heard yet.

Chuck Norris Jokes

1. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
2. Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
3. When Chuck Norris left for college he looked to his father and said “You’re the man of the house now”.
4. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
5. Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
6. Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
7. The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
8. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
9. Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. It’s not dead, it’s just afraid to move.
10. Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
11. Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
12. On the 7th day, God rested … Chuck Norris took over.
13. Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet.
14. When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
15. Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his toes.
16. C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
17. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
18. Chuck Norris’ dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
19. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
20. When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
21. Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
22. Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
23. Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
24. Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
25. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
26. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
27. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
28. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it’s beef.
29. Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
30. If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
31. Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
32. Chuck Norris can get in a car and lift it up with himself in it.
33. Chuck Norris is the real reason why Waldo is hiding.
34. Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
35. Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
36. The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
37. There has never been a hurricane named Chuck because it would have destroyed everything.
38. Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2^nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
39. Chuck Norris got Coronavirus. Now the Coronavirus is in isolation.
40. When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
41. Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by whispering, “Bang!”
42. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
43. Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
44. When God said, “Let there be light!” Chuck said, “Say Please.”
45. The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. You know what happened to them.
46. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
47. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
48. The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
49. Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’ PC will crash.
50. A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
51. Chuck Norris’s daughter lost her virginity, he got it back
52. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
53. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
54. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris.
55. Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands 20 feet behind him.
56. Chuck Norris appeared in the ‘Street Fighter I’ video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Chuck Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
57. Chuck Norris narrates Morgan Freeman’s life.
58. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
59. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
60. Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.
61. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
62. Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
63. Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
64. Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
65. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his pee as a canned beverage. It’s now called Red Bull.
66. Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.